there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
