I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize