Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
