i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
