I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
