the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
