I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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