She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize