I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
