Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize