i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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