I have demons in me.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize