Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Do you remember whose house we're in?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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