I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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