when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
