I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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