Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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