Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
