The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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