The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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