I'm so fucking centered right now
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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