if only i could text you this smell
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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