I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
