I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
