I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize