About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
