I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
