this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
