i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize