Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
