Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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