the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
