If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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