So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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