I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
