dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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