Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
