can u get pink eye on your cock?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
