I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
