Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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