she was so not down for the gang bang
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
