He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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