Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
