And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
