mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
