what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
