Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
