My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
