Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(317): View more from Indiana

it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely

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(914): View more from New York

he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning

(215): View more from Pennsylvania

My face left an imprint in the loaf...

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.

(1-402): View more from Nebraska

At least he's a nutritious stoner...

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.

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(928): View more from Arizona

its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?

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(909): View more from California

So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?

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(562): View more from California

Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.

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