i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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