i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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