I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
