we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
they're like a gay fantastic four
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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