I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
