I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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