Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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