I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
