Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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