New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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