ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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