I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
