can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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