Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
