Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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