dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
