There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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