I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
