tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize