i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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