So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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