definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
