Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
