He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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