i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
