guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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