So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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