sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
