i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
