I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
