Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
