He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize