I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
