last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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