it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
