It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
