just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
