Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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