my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
