Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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